You made me cry and you don't even care
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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