how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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