i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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