There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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