the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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