Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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