shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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