i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
