my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
