Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
