if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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