I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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