Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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