Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
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Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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