my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
