I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
