I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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