What a fucking waste of an outfit
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
