yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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