girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
