i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
