we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
