I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
