before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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