I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
