I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
