I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
