I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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