So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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