I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
