If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
