another moral hangover. fuck.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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