Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's the barista slut.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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