the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
