maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
