why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
