So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
