I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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