I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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