so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize