the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
