college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
