Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
