Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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