I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
