he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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