Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize