it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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