He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
