I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
