i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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