smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
We smell like vodka and hangover
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