Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
A+ Viking dick
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
