FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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