So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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