Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
