all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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