And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize