It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
