THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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