a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
