now i know why i became what i already was.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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