we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
